Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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