i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
