I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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