she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
