elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
