I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
