Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
