So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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