Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
