watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
