So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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