She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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