So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
