Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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