the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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