i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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