Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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