I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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