we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Someone shattered a urinal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
