I think scott just propositioned me for sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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