They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
