Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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