Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
