Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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