PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
