Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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