I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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