My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
