Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
