So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
