i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
