Jerry, you need to find god
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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