Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
