Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
