I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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