Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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