Im at strip club and am horny
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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