He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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