she was so not down for the gang bang
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
