If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
