So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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