Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
