Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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