I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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