I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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