Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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