so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
