dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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