there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
