I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
