im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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