Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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