I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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