we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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