i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
