Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
