I have demons in me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
