So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
