oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
