I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
