This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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