I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
