All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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