I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its liver damage thursday
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
