i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
