Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
