I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
