i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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