Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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