Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
