there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
